First published: e-mesara.gr
Why do women find it difficult to leave violent and abusive relationships?
Domestic violence and the abuse of women is a phenomenon that is of great concern to us today. Unfortunately, there are many cases of abuse and murder of women, and in every case that comes to light, society “falls from the clouds” and tries to analyze the causes.
Initially, we must realize the scope of this phenomenon.
According to a report by the World Health Organization published in 2018, one in three (30%) women worldwide have suffered either physical and/or sexual violence from an intimate partner in their lifetime and 38% of all murders of women are committed by intimate partners.
We should also understand that this phenomenon knows no age, social or economic status and not to forget that violence not only causes physical harm to the victim, but often undermines their social and economic well-being, and can have serious consequences for their mental health. Women exposed to violence by their partners also show higher levels of depression, anxiety and phobias than women who have not been abused.
Why it is difficult to leave
Very often we wonder why the victim did not leave and why she tolerated such abusive behavior. It is very important to consider all those economic and social factors that may make this decision difficult.
The woman who experiences violence and abuse often feels fear and shame. It is difficult to share what she is experiencing, especially when there is no supportive environment to embrace her. Also, a common pattern of domestic abuse, especially between partners, is that the perpetrator alternates between violent, aggressive and apologetic behavior with promises that he will change, thus making the victim hope that if he gives it another chance, things will improve.
Researchers have concluded that psychological abuse has more serious long-term psychological effects than physical abuse, and that psychological abuse usually precedes physical abuse. It should be noted that there are many forms of psychologically violent behavior. Some of these are critical behavior, ridicule, jealousy, ignoring, intimidation and belittling.
Very often the woman who is in an abusive relationship blames herself, wonders what she is doing wrong or maybe she is misunderstanding things. In other cases, she does not consider her partner’s behavior to be wrong, and very often justifies it. Quite often, she will underestimate the violent incident, believing that it will not happen again. She has difficulty understanding that such episodes will escalate and only get worse.
The profile of the abused woman
Quite often, victims of domestic violence and abuse are women who have not learned to relate with safety and security. Their relationship with themselves and their partner is related to their maternal relationship and how much security and love they received within it.
If a girl does not receive love from her mother or caregiver as she grows up, does not feel security and emotional balance, it is very likely that she will create similar relationships as she grows up. If she has grown up in an abusive environment and has recorded bad images, she will very often seek out this type of partner to repeat them.
When she has grown up in an environment where she was devalued and did not receive love, then it is likely that in the future she will connect with people who will treat her with similar toxicity. And while this environment is psychologically destructive, she will stay because it is familiar to her.
Also, a woman who has grown up in an environment where she did not receive attention, where she did not feel parental love and warmth, is very likely to be tolerant of control, tension and scenes of jealousy, as well as to interpret them as interest and love.
This woman carries a trauma and through specific choices, she is re-traumatized.
When a girl grows up in a loving environment, when she receives love and respect, she learns to connect in this way. So when she encounters toxic and abusive people in her life, she is most likely not to relate to them.
We should also not overlook the economic factors that may be holding her back from making the decision to leave. If she is unemployed and has no income, she is likely to be afraid and feel that she will not succeed.
Finally, in many cases social factors are a reason for her to delay leaving, as in small societies in particular it is not easy to leave, as it is considered shameful and a failure.
What we need to understand
It is very important for women to understand that there should be no violence in a relationship. They should receive love and respect from the relationship and within it they should be able to express themselves and function freely. If they are confronted with toxic and abusive behaviors, they should be able to protect themselves and their children, if they have any.
In recent years, the 15900 line has been available throughout Greece, where highly trained specialists can guide them on what to do.
There are also specially designed shelters for abused women and abused children, where they can go and find refuge in complete safety and confidentiality.
Every time an incident of domestic violence and abuse becomes public, there are endless discussions about these phenomena and their elimination. Discussions alone are not enough. It is necessary to work on social stereotypes and experiences within the family. Talking only about criminal prosecutions against perpetrators will not lead anywhere. Substantial changes must be made to bring about the desired results.